The First Step to Helping a Dog With Separation Anxiety
I won’t sugarcoat it: suspending absences takes effort. It might mean changing routines, spending money on help, or saying no to invitations for a while.
But here’s the truth — trying to train without suspending absences is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom. No matter how much time you put in, the results will leak away.
By committing to this first step, you are saving yourself months (or even years) of frustration. You are also protecting your dog from repeated panic, which is both emotionally and physically damaging.
The Science Behind This Step
Dogs with separation anxiety are not being “naughty” or “spoiled.” Their brains are wired to panic when alone. The amygdala — the part of the brain that detects danger — goes into overdrive. Stress hormones like cortisol flood their system, making it impossible to relax or think clearly.
If we keep exposing them to that fear, their brain gets better at reacting with panic. If we stop the exposures, we give their brain the chance to calm down and re-learn that being alone is safe.
This is the same principle behind systematic desensitization, a well-researched method used not only in dog training but also in human psychology to overcome fears.
How to Know When Your Dog is Ready to Start Alone Time Training
While you are suspending absences, you can start watching your dog closely to understand their current comfort zone. Use a camera to observe them when you step out of sight for a moment. Do they:
Stay relaxed, lying down or chewing a toy?
Pace, whine, or stare at the door?
Bark, howl, or scratch?
If your dog can stay calm for a short absence — even just 30 seconds — without showing stress, you have a starting point for gradual training.
Tips to Make This Period Easier
Plan ahead – Schedule sitters, daycare days, or errands when your partner is home.
Build a list of “safe” people and places – People your dog knows well, or quiet spaces they can relax in.
Use enrichment – Food puzzles, sniffing games, or gentle training sessions to keep them mentally satisfied.
Take care of yourself – Living with a dog with separation anxiety can be exhausting. Give yourself breaks too.
A Gentle Mindset Shift
Instead of seeing this step as a frustrating delay, think of it as pressing the reset button. Your dog is not “falling behind” — they are finally getting the peace they need to learn.
When I work with clients, I often say, “Suspending absences is not the hard part of training — it is the training.” Because without it, there is no foundation to build on.
What Comes After This Step
Once absences are suspended and your dog is calm in daily life, we can begin gradual alone time training. This means starting with very short absences your dog can succeed at and slowly increasing the duration, always staying within their comfort zone.
We will use cameras, track progress, and adjust as needed. The progress might be slow, but it will be steady — and it will last.
Key Takeaways
The first step to helping a dog with separation anxiety is not leaving them alone beyond their comfort level.
This stops the cycle of panic and allows their brain to reset.
It is a temporary but essential part of the process.
Success is much more likely when this step is done before formal training.
Ready to Help Your Dog?
If you are feeling overwhelmed, remember: you do not have to do this alone. A certified separation anxiety trainer can help you make a plan, guide your progress, and adapt training to your dog’s needs.
I offer 1-on-1 consultations and full support for families working through separation anxiety. Together, we can take this first step — and every step after — with confidence.
Photo by Kevin Johnston on Unsplash